LATE NIGHT THINKING (on a friday, 1:29AM)

The following fragments are just some thoughts that come and go when I'm in bed late at night, unable to sleep because of this funny little thing called life.

Life is strange. We spend it knowing that it's going to end but not knowing how, or when. No matter how safe we think we are, we will always live in uncertainty. We create a stable life where we think we're happy, with a job, partner, kids maybe. We avoid taking unnecessary risks, because we're afraid to play a game we're apt to lose. We avoid risks, but nevertheless, we live in uncertainty. The bus. A nasty flu. A housefire. An uncurable illness. They have nothing to do with taking risks. They have everything to do with coincidence. Or, for those who don't believe in that, fate. And maybe that's why we're so scared of living life to its fullest. Because we don't want to be reminded that life is rather short and precious. We want to be able to forget the inevitable.

When do we live life to its fullest? When we have lived a full life? Full of what? When we make the world a better place? When we've seen the world? When we have become rich? When we save a life? When we're happy? Is it possible to be really, completely happy? At the end of the day, who decides whether I have lived life to its fullest? Who tells me if I have done the right thing, chosen the right profession, pursued the right dreams? And why is that so damn important to me? Why does it bother me that, when I thought with age came answers, solely more questions appear in my head?

All these questions and no one to ask them. No one to answer them for me. Or for anybody else, because I'm guessing nobody really knows the answers to these questions. I mean, how should they?

Until I have found some answers, I'm just going to try to do things that make me happy, things that make my life just that little bit easier. Baking a cake on Saturday morning. Repeatedly but persistently continueing to throw balls into my own face whilst learning to juggle. Going for lunch with my friends. Travelling. Or at least dreaming of it. Making a list of all the things I'm hanging hope on today.

My tire fixing skills.
The inspirational quote on the chalkboard outside the coffeeshop.
Long summer nights.
A movie called 'Eddie The Eagle' with Taron Egerton and Hugh Jackman.
Detective series.
My recent realisation that I can choose what I want, instead of what I think others want me to choose.

I'll be allright.

I think so.

I know so.

And the quote on the chalkboard outside the coffeeshop?

'There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.'